Want to really be there for someone? Nine practical tips on active listening, asking the right questions, phrases to avoid and protecting your own limits.
When someone shares what’s weighing on them, they usually aren’t looking for a solution — they want to feel understood. Listening well is a skill you can learn. Here are nine tips for anyone in “I Help Out” mode, or anyone who just wants to be there for a friend.
The basics of listening
- Don’t rush. Let them finish their sentences. Silences are part of the conversation too.
- Reflect what you hear. “So you’ve been feeling really lonely these past few weeks.” This shows you’re listening and you understand.
- Ask open-ended questions. Questions like “How has that affected you?” or “What’s the hardest part for you?” deepen the conversation.
- Name the feeling. “That sounds exhausting.” Acknowledging the feeling stops the other person from feeling strange about it.
What to avoid
- Dismissive phrases like “You’re overreacting” or “It happens to everyone”
- Turning the conversation to your own story straight away
- Jumping to quick fixes nobody asked for
- Suggesting medication, doses or diagnoses (this is against our Community Guidelines)
Habits of a good supporter
- Don’t give advice without asking. “Would you like to hear what I think?” is a sign of respect.
- Respect privacy. Never share what someone told you anywhere else.
- Know your limits. You can’t help with everything. If you feel drained, taking a break is part of kindness too.
- Point to help when needed. If someone talks about harming themselves, encourage them to contact emergency services and someone close to them, and report the content in the app.
- Aim for kindness, not thanks. On Tichodex you may receive a “Solved My Problem” thank-you when you truly help someone — but the real reward is that their night got a little lighter.
Frequently asked questions
What is active listening?
Active listening means giving someone your full attention, reflecting back what you hear in your own words, asking open-ended questions and trying to understand without judging.
What shouldn’t you say to someone who is struggling?
Avoid phrases that minimise feelings, such as “You’re overreacting”, “It happens to everyone” or “Be grateful”. Try accepting phrases like “That sounds really hard — thank you for telling me.”
What should I do if I’m worried someone might hurt themselves?
Don’t leave them alone; encourage them to call emergency services and reach someone they trust. On Tichodex, report such content right away so our moderation team can review it.